What I've Learned Since I Began Homeschooling

Re: Homeschooling, Autism, Parenting

They say “every cloud has a silver lining.” I’ve learned, while that is true, sometimes you have to look pretty hard to see it. The lining is just that - inside. Maneuvering through the fog to get there can be a challenge.

My cloud has many layers of silver. Being able to homeschool JP is, without a doubt, the brightest. Every mother thinks her child is special. My fifteen year old son really is. On so many levels. He carries around a stuffed fox and stares at the ceiling when he talks to you (assuming he talks to you at all). JP is very intelligent - learning comes naturally to him. It’s social situations that pose a problem. In his comfort zone, he flourishes. Separated from that sector, he struggles.

Working in the educational system 20+ years, I was a staunch advocate for public school. Homeschool never crossed my mind. That is, until JP reached fifth grade.

The thought of sending JP to middle school literally made me nauseous. Can you imagine the bullying that would surround this child on a daily basis? Those pubescent years tend to turn even the nicest, calmest teens into terrors. My mother says when children enter the sixth grade, they should be sent to another planet and return to civilization in time for their sophomore year of high school. Initially, I was only going to keep him home through middle school. The plan was to send him to public high school. Time tends to change even the best laid plans.

My current situation is not the result of well-laid plans, but having JP home has been the biggest blessing.

Aka, a silver lining.

In the state of South Carolina, families have three options. We’ve chosen to homeschool under Option 3. Basically this means the kids are not followed by the school system and do not have to participate in state testing. When I first started homeschooling, I cried myself to sleep at night. Every night. That is not an exaggeration. I was a mess. I would wake up each morning, splash cold water on my face, and clothe myself in fake confidence. All I knew was teaching, but I felt completely inadequate when it came to my child. The fact that I was solely responsible for his education sat on my chest like a weight, making it hard to breathe.

I bought all the books, read all the blogs, and joined all the Facebook groups. I couldn’t have been more prepared. Still, I questioned EVERYTHING. I was always so worried I was failing him.

Here I sit, four years later, having learned far more than JP.

I’ve learned to breathe. I’ve not cried myself to sleep in a very long time! I’ve learned that education is more than academics. We spend a lot of time on hiking trails, exploring state parks, and hanging around town. When I read JP’s journal entries at the end of these days, I’m consistently in awe of what he’s written. I used to feel like we were “goofing off” or “ditching school” when we spent the day away from home. Not anymore. These days are the most productive. I’ve learned that every day doesn’t have to look the same. Our routine changes daily - we work around whichever side of the bed they wake up on and go from there! (Remember, we have Preston home now too). I’ve learned to stop comparing myself to other homeschool families. This is a BIG one. Those Facebook groups are full of every type of family who all seem to excel at the gig. We’re talking classrooms inside the home. Book shelves full of materials, color coded with labels - supplies, charts, schedules, rules, and goals. I wish I had a video of how our mornings roll. It’s a comedy reel.

Learning is not one-size-fits-all. Sitting in a classroom all day and being tested on material is not what’s best for JP (or Preston). Even with an IEP (individualized educational plan) that called for modifications, JP still freaked out at test time. Getting him to read was always a chore. Now, we read together and he has developed a love of literature.

Homeschool may not be the answer for everyone, but I no longer question my choice!